Heart Strong: The Passing of Isaac

Friends, thank you for walking this journey with us, the Mills family. We know this journey has just begun. This blog site has been an outlet where I can pour my heart out in writing. It has been an encouragement to my soul as we walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. I write these blogs as a wounded servant of Christ, a husband, and a father.

After twelve, beautiful, joy-filled days outside of the womb, our precious son and heart warrior, Isaac Nathaniel Spurgeon Mills, passed away in his mother’s arms at 3pm on April 28th.

With such a complex heart disease, one that the doctors have rarely seen, our Isaac achieved so many milestones in his short life. He pressed on each day when things kept looking against him. With less than half a heart, he was full of life. The Lord upheld him and showed the watching world that He is the author of life.

Every single hurdle, every single appointment, and every single time we had to defend and protect our son’s life over the last 9 months (+), from life at conception to his death outside of the womb, was worth it all. It was a joy to be spent for our son Isaac. Why? Because Isaac was made in the image of God (Gen. 1:27). He was fearfully and wonderfully made by the Sovereign Ruler of the skies (Ps  139). He was Formed and fashioned in Kyla’s womb. God created Isaac with such a complex heart for a purpose (Ex. 4:11). On this side of eternity, it is a mysterious providence. But, oh, I look forward to that great day of finding out, or even seeing a glimpse in this life.

Throughout the pregnancy,  doctors kept telling us that a “suitable option” would be to murder Isaac in the womb. We were tasked with defending the life of our son who could not defend himself. Oh, abortion is the greatest evil in our Land.

Though Isaac had a rare congenital heart disease, his life had value, dignity, and worth because he was created in God’s image. God had created him. God was sustaining him. God called Kyla and I to care for him while on this earth. It was an absolute privilege to defend his life and love him well all the days of his life. It is an honour that the Lord made Kyla and I parents of Isaac. We love him with our whole heart. Our hearts break to be separated from him during the rest of our earthly pilgrimage. But as Christians, we have great resurrection hope. God is good and does good (Psalm 119:68). Despite this painful, sorrow-filled, dark providence, we rest confidently, though feebly at times, in the goodness of God. As one author put it, “The moon is always round and God is always good.” Despite these present circumstances, we know that God is good in this dark hour of our life.

How do we know that? We look to THE darkest hour of history, the cross of Jesus Christ. In that darkest hour, we see THE greatest good. As the Saviour hung on the cross for sinners, as He bore my sin, as He bore my wrath, as He was forsaken by His Father in utter darkness for me, the Triune God was bringing about the greatest good. What is this greatest good? A relationship with the all majestic God! Eternal life! The Forgiveness of sins!

Our sin has separated us from our Maker and Creator. Daily we experience the consequences of our rebellion against God in this fallen world. We experience decay, sorrow, sickness, and death, all as a result of sin.

Yesterday, Kyla and I stared this very grim enemy in the face. Death is an enemy. Death is not natural. Yesterday, we saw Isaac’s last glance at us before he passed away. Yesterday, we heard his last breath as he passed into eternity. We confronted the Grim enemy right in the face as death came to our precious son.

My friend, the only hope we have is our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. He lived the life we could never live and died the death that we deserved. We are nothing. He is everything. If you are reading this post, ask yourself this question: Have my sins been forgiven? Come to Jesus today. He is a Saviour who is rich in pardoning mercy. Our Lord is making all things new. We will forever praise His glorious name.

When we first found out the severity of Isaac’s heart disease in December, I went to the Bible and wrestled with God in prayer about what happens when infants pass away. I wanted to establish firm roots within the Scriptures and to be thoroughly biblical with my conclusions, whatever it may be. I do not want my biblical convictions to be established in my emotions or in present circumstances. I want it to be firmly rooted in the whole coumsel of God. After months of deep study, I am thoroughly convinced, on the basis of God’s Sovereign, unconditional electing grace, which is rooted in the finished work of Jesus Christ, that Kyla and I will one day be reunited with Isaac in eternal glory. Though our life together on earth was short, we will have all eternity together, worshipping the Lord in whom we love (See helpful articles below).

I have always prayed that my first born son would be a preacher who would touch thousands of lives. Well, the Lord gave our son Isaac a massive platform in his earliest of days. Though his days on earth have been short, Isaac has impacted thousands of lives, and I trust will continue to do so. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for entering this journey with us. The journey is not over. Rather, it has just begun. Isaac’s story will live on.

As I conclude, let me give you three lessons Isaac has taught me:

1) Every single day is a gift from the Lord. Tomorrow is not promised. Live for Christ today in all that you do. Do not let your present circumstances rob you of your joy in Christ. The Lord has taught us the secret of Christian contentment, which we pray thay we will never lose. Something so simple as Isaac opening his eyes once for us in the hospital brought us so much joy. That was a good day!

2) We are utterly dependent upon the Lord for every breath, every heart beat,  absolutely everything. Never take one heart beat for granted. Daily acknowledge your dependency upon the Lord and live in that reality. We are needy. He is worthy.

3) I had to hand over my only son to a gloomy death. The death of Isaac, and our father and son relationship, magnifies my understanding of the depth of love that the Triune God has for me. God the Father sent His only, perfect, sinless Son to die for the ungodly. What depth of love!

I will conclude with a poem I wrote this morning, considering the death of Isaac Nathaniel Spurgeon Mills:

Twelve joy-filled days with our precious son;
Death, the Grim enemy met our son.
Indescribable pain and agony has overcome,
Sorrow upon sorrow till morning dawns.

Close to despair, but not without hope;
Scriptures telling we will meet again.
Future days in eternal bliss,
With my saviour, clothed in Sovereign love.

Oh, the Joy to be with Christ;
Christ the Resurrection Hope.
No more death, no more tears,
No more sickness, and no more pain.
Standing with Christ in everlasting years.

——–
For your consideration, here are some helpful resources on the subject of infants that die in infancy:

– https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/will-my-son-go-to-heaven

– https://albertmohler.com/2005/01/05/in-the-shadow-of-death-the-little-ones-are-safe-with-jesus

– “Safe in the Arms of God,” John MacArthur

19 Comments

  1. What a beautiful testimony to your faith. May it encourage others, as it has encouraged me. (I also have a child with the Lord.) I have no doubt your precious son is in the arms of our Lord, experiencing peace, joy, and glory we cannot yet fathom. Until you are reunited with your precious Isaac, may God comfort you and Kyla, and may he magnify your ministry. God bless.

  2. Our hearts are broken for you. You and kyla both are such a testimony. May the Lord grant you peace and comfort. Thank you for being vulnerable, for allowing us to walk with you, pray for you, read your words and see a glimpse into your days with Isaac. Much love💜

  3. Your testimony is very telling of your love of the Lord and for your son. Thank you for sharing such a witness through your grief! May the God of all comfort fill you more and more in the coming days. The hope of seeing your son, Isaac one day is so encouraging. Hold onto that, and to Whom he has gone before you to spend eternity. Peace in your sorrow!

  4. I pray that you will experience the intense love of God more than ever in this season. The memories of Isaac will forever bring joy to your family in Jesus name. I will be praying for supernatural strength for you and Kyla.
    Thank you for fighting for Isaac and not taking the easy way out. Abortion is never the answer.

    Thank you for sharing in the middle of your pain. Your words have strengthened me in the midst of my grief for my Mom. God bless you.

  5. We are very sorry to hear of Isaac’s passing. Your strength and faith in God, even in the midst of the trials and dark days, has been so very encouraging. We will continue to lift you up to Jesus, and may He alone restore your strength and heal your hurting broken hearts. Blessings on you both as you faithfully continue to serve and live for God.

  6. I am crying as I read this, but also rejoicing. Jesus cried “It is finished” as a victory cry of a warrior who accomplished all He set out to do. We trust, along with you, that our son and your Isaac will be reunited with us in eternity. And our hearts rest there in thankfulness. Our prayers continue for you in the dark valley you’re making your way through, held tight by His everlasting arms.
    Much love from the Anjemas ❤️

  7. We are so very sorry about your loss.Appreciate the truths you shared above. Thankful for our hope in the Lord. We are and will continue to pray for you both!

  8. I’m so sorry to hear of the passing of your precious son. I wanted you to know that even though I don’t know you, the life of your Isaac and your testimony has touched me. Praise God for the hope we have in Jesus. May He comfort your grieving hearts.

  9. Our deepest condolences on the loss of your dear Isaac. Our hearts are broken for you. Sending you all lots of strength and love Thinking of you all ❤️

  10. Thank you for reminding us of the miracles of our Lord! What a precious gift of Your son. You will be reunited again one day in the Glory of God. Beautiful words, beautiful poem, your son and God are proud ❤️🙏🏼

  11. Such a beautiful and Christ filled message of hope and trusting in the lord for everything. My prayers are with your family as you grieve and the days to come.

  12. Thank you for sharing this very special, but painful journey with us.
    God is truly your great comfort.
    You have honoured our God and Saviour.
    His continued blessings to you both, and your families.

  13. Death surely has no terror for the Blood bought ones. Hand 👏 in hand with Jesus has we traverse this path given to us to trod.

  14. Oh dear brother and sister, my heart breaks with you! Over 15 years ago we lost our first grandson, Isaac, to hypoplastic left heart syndrome. He made it 8 days. I can tell you, God did wonderful things in our family as a result. Feel free to contact me if you need to.

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